Thursday, April 21, 2011

neurotic.

I noticed that I was a WHOLE lotta fun to dye Easter eggs with the other day. So I thought I would share the parental wisdom gleaned from our little dye sesh so all of y'all can be a fun mom like me. So, without further ado, I give to you:

Ten things 
you can say to your child 
to help make egg-dye-ing 
much less fun.

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"Hold on bud, it's not ready yet."
{Because kids love to wait.}

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"Not yet.... Not yet..."
{More waiting. JUST what a seven year old wants to do!}

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"Wait! Not like that!"
{Because there is only ONE way to dye an Easter egg. Obviously.
Besides, art should be restrictive and anal...didn't you know?}

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"You're dyeing your fingers. Put on these gloves."
{Because, yeah, purple-y blue fingers practically ='s end of the world. Who's with me?}

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"You're dripping! You're dripping everywhere!"
{Again, end of the world. You have to... *gasp* ....wipe. drips. up.... and stuff!}

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"Don't mix the colors."
{Cause kids shouldn't make their own colors... heavens no.}

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"Be patient. Just let it soak in there for a minute"
{Cause arts and crafts time? ALL about micromanagement. That's what makes it creative... and fun.}

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"It's getting all over the table."
{If you care so darn much about the table, then maybe you should have put newspapers down on said table. It is a table, woman. A TABLE!!}

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"Don't get it on your clothes!"
{Maybe you should have had him change into clothes that could get messy. Just a thought.}

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"If you keep dropping them in all of the different colors, your eggs are just going to be poop brown."
{So?}

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"Hold on. I need to wipe this up."
{Yes. Right now. In the MIDDLE of our project, I need to wipe this up. Who cares that it will just get dirty again? Who cares that there are at least a million more drips to come before this egg dye-ing process is complete? I sensed that you were having fun for too many consecutive minutes and might even be getting into some sort of happy groove. So we need to pause and get the table all sorts of spotless before you continue to make your mess.}

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Yeah, we ONLY like the good CLEAN kind of fun at our house.
{Does clean fun constitute an oxymoron? Perhaps.}

I think we need a do over.
Yep.

So, this weekend,
I'm gonna take a xanax,
and we're gonna try this again.

And I'm gonna let that kid
take a gall dern BATH
in egg dye if he wants to.

Because I'm a fun mom, dang it!
A FUN MOM!!!!

8 comments:

Nisa said...

I love do-overs! I'm so glad us moms can call for them! I know I've done that to my boys too. We haven't colored eggs yet. This year, I'll try not to be so anal! Thanks for the reminder.

Jen Nelson said...

HAHAHAHAHA

Oh my gosh I love your face!

If it makes you feel any better I'm not even attempting to color eggs this year! That's how awesome of a mom I am.

trevandjules said...

HA HA! Mark my words, this will be me.

Blackwell said...

OH I loved this post ;o) I would have done the same thing! I don't know how I became so uptight! I'm so glad I'm not alone....and you are hilarious BTW!

Busy Bee Suz said...

Oh my gosh...this is so hilarious. I would be saying the same stuff; OVER AND OVER AND OVER!!!!!
Your boy is gorgeous! And his eggs are purty!

Josh and Emily said...

Laura I totally do that! You are just a good woman/mom to do it over. You really are an INCREDIBLE mother :)

likeschocolate said...

Your eggs turned out fantastic! The dyed fingers are all apart of the game! This year I just let them do what they wanted and they actually didn't turn the eggs brown from multi-dipping.

Life with Kaishon said...

Guess what? I didn't say ANY of those things this Easter when egg dying time came. Do you know why Lola?
I LOST THE FLIPPING egg dye. How in the world does anyone lose egg dye? I will never know. Love, Becky, the absolute WORST mother in America.