neurotic.

I noticed that I was a WHOLE lotta fun to dye Easter eggs with the other day. So I thought I would share the parental wisdom gleaned from our little dye sesh so all of y'all can be a fun mom like me. So, without further ado, I give to you:

Ten things 

you can say to your child 

to help make egg-dye-ing 

much less fun.

"Hold on bud, it's not ready yet."

{Because kids love to wait.}

"Not yet.... Not yet..."

{More waiting. JUST what a seven year old wants to do!}

"Wait! Not like that!"

{Because there is only ONE way to dye an Easter egg. Obviously.
Besides, art should be restrictive and anal...didn't you know?}

"You're dyeing your fingers. Put on these gloves."

{Because, yeah, purple-y blue fingers practically ='s end of the world. Who's with me?}

"You're dripping! You're dripping everywhere!"

{Again, end of the world. You have to... *gasp* ....wipe. drips. up.... and stuff!}

"Don't mix the colors."

{Cause kids shouldn't make their own colors... heavens no.}

"Be patient. Just let it soak in there for a minute"

{Cause arts and crafts time? ALL about micromanagement. That's what makes it creative... and fun.}

"It's getting all over the table."

{If you care so darn much about the table, then maybe you should have put newspapers down on said table. It is a table, woman. A TABLE!!}

"Don't get it on your clothes!"

{Maybe you should have had him change into clothes that could get messy. Just a thought.}

"If you keep dropping them in all of the different colors, your eggs are just going to be poop brown."

{So?}

"Hold on. I need to wipe this up."

{Yes. Right now. In the MIDDLE of our project, I need to wipe this up. Who cares that it will just get dirty again? Who cares that there are at least a million more drips to come before this egg dye-ing process is complete? I sensed that you were having fun for too many consecutive minutes and might even be getting into some sort of happy groove. So we need to pause and get the table all sorts of spotless before you continue to make your mess.}



Yeah, we ONLY like the good CLEAN kind of fun at our house.
{Does clean fun constitute an oxymoron? Perhaps.}

I think we need a do over.
Yep.

So, this weekend,
I'm gonna take a xanax,
and we're gonna try this again.

And I'm gonna let that kid
take a gall dern BATH
in egg dye if he wants to.

Because I'm a fun mom, dang it!
A FUN MOM!!!!