REALLY about

Oh, how I loved this {thanks, Clover Lane}:

AN ERMA BOMBECK COLUMN:

A young mother writes: "  I know you've written before about the empty-nest syndrome -- that lonely period after the children are grown and gone. Right now, I'm up to my eyeballs in laundry and muddy boots. The baby is teething; the boys are fighting. My husband just called and said to eat without him, and I fell off my diet. Lay it on me again, will you?"

OK.

One of these days, you'll shout, "Why don't you kids grow up and act your age!"

And they will.

Or, "You guys get outside and find yourselves something to do ... and don't slam the door!"

And they won't.

You'll straighten up the boys' bedroom neat and tidy -- bumper stickers discarded, bedspread tucked and smooth, toys displayed on the shelves. Hangers in the closet. Animals caged. And you'll say out loud, "Now I want it to stay this way."

And it will.

You'll prepare a perfect dinner with a salad that hasn't been picked to death and a cake with no finger traces in the icing, and you'll say, "Now, there's a meal for company."

And you'll eat it alone.

You'll say: "I want complete privacy on the phone. No dancing around. No demolition crews. Silence! Do you hear?" And you'll have it.

No more plastic tablecloths stained with spaghetti.

No more bedspreads to protect the sofa from damp bottoms.

No more gates to stumble over at the top of the basement steps.

No more clothespins under the sofa.

No more playpens to arrange a room around.

No more anxious nights under a vaporizer tent.

No more sand on the sheets or Popeye movies in the bathrooms.

No more iron-on patches, wet, knotted shoestrings, tight boots, or rubber bands for ponytails.

Imagine. A lipstick with a point on it. No baby sitter for New Year's Eve. Washing only once a week. Seeing a steak that isn't ground. Having your teeth cleaned without a baby on your lap.

No PTA meetings.

No car pools.

No blaring radios.

No one washing her hair at 11 o'clock at night.

Having your own roll of Scotch tape.

Think about it. No more Christmas presents out of toothpicks and library paste.

No more sloppy oatmeal kisses.

No more tooth fairy.

No giggles in the dark.

No knees to heal, no responsibility.

Only a voice crying, "Why don't you grow up?"

and the silence echoing, "I did."

REALLY ABOUT: Cherishing this time NOW. Because it will be gone faster than any of us are able to{or any of us WANT to} imagine.

Clarifications.

Clarifications:

*Wow, I seem to have struck a liiiitle bit of a nerve right out the gate with this one! ha ha! So let me clarify.

1. When I say "dressed to the nines" I am talking about the kind of dressed to the nines that takes 20 minutes total. Here is my philosophy: It is just as easy to pull on cute jeans or a skirt as it is to pull on sweatpants. It takes the same amount of time and effort, but the "end results" are vastly different. I'm certainly not suggesting that I (or anyone else) should spend an hour each morning getting insanely gussied up - that would sort of defeat the purpose since my ULTIMATE goal is to be a more effective homemaker and time manager.


2. Jewelry is the BEST cheat on the planet! It takes like, two whole seconds to put on, and it makes you look totally put together. Like many moms with small children, I am going to have to fore go the earrings once Tennyson starts getting grabby, but a great necklace can go a long way and (as long as it's sturdy) can even be a great toy/distraction for the baybuh. Its cheap, easy to do, and really fun.

3. I don't base my self worth on my appearance, and I don't want anyone else to base their self worth on appearance, and the purpose of this blog is not to get anyone else to do so. That being said, on this journey to better, more organized living, I have found a very effective trigger point for myself. That trigger point is getting dressed everyday.  The days I get up and get dressed, I take the world by storm. The days that I stay in my bathrobe, I find, at the end of said day, that the laundry is still piled high, the sink is full of dishes, and my son's homework didn't get completed (and he's already in bed for the night). It seems that a (comfy, luscious) bathrobe may very well be the ONLY thing standing between me and domestic bliss okay!? 

4. I've decided to treat motherhood like the job that it is. This means treating it with respect, showing up on time, and coming ready to do the work. Am I going to have days where I stay in pajamas and do pretty much nothing? Probably. But those days should be the exception, not the rule. As one 1960s homemaking maven once said "If you LOOK THE PART, you'll feel like DOING THE PART." This just makes sense to me. It may not be for everyone, but for me, this part is necessary.

5. Sweatpants are so much better than a bathrobe. You can go out and get your mail in sweatpants. You can answer the door (without making anyone uncomfortable) in sweatpants. On days when I know I want to clean my house's guts out, sweatpants will be the clothing of choice.  So don't get defensive just yet. I'm not waging war on our beloved sweat pants... (promise) I'm just trying to root out the biggest contributors to my slovenly lifestyle and turn them around! Dressing nicely each day is a great way to start.

6. I don't beat myself up about not being "that" girl. I'm sure she has her own issues to deal with, and Celeste and Jessie - you said it perfectly - to compare ourselves to others is just demoralizing and utterly counter-productive. What I intended to express with that example, is this: She is proof positive that it can be done. If a mom of 4 kids under five can do it - so can I! That's really inspiring for me. And on days when I don't, that's okay too. Thanks for the feedback so I could hear how that post was coming off. We all have to be the best "US" and not the best replication of what we think someone else is.   

7. I never want this blog to make someone feel like their efforts as a mom and wife aren't good enough. I am so excited that so many of you are EXCITED about improving and making better lives for yourselves. At the same time, it's important that we are always supportive of one another as women and mothers. I will definitely be keeping it real and sharing the BAD with the good as I go along - I'd encourage all of you to do the same.  We're not doing anyone any favors by acting like we're perfect and hiding the things we struggle with. It just makes women with problems (a.k.a EVERYONE) feel isolated. That's never going to be the goal or intention of this project. Thanks you to all of you who made comments that keep it real too! I think there should be a whole post called "Sweatpants confessions." Ha ha! 

And finally...


THANK YOU - to everyone who is participating! It's really great to get feedback about how different women feel about different areas of homemaking. Most of all, it's just good to know that I'm not the only one who wants to do better and be better everyday!

about.

Growing up, I never really paid attention. I didn't watch how my mom operated in the kitchen (nor, did I offer to be of assistance..thoughtful lil' miss that I was...). I didn't cook family meals. I cleaned,  but not well, and only so I could get my allowance and buy two dollars worth of swedish fish and other scrumptious penny candies at the local drug store every Saturday morning. My days were spent dancing, acting, studying, playing, reading, and bossing around any unsuspecting little friend I could pin down for an afternoon. The whole "domestic" thing never really appealed to me. 

My attempts at painting and knitting crafts were sad, and the end results were pretty much unrecognizable. I even  gave my 4-H sewing instructor a complete meltdown when, for the first time in her 10 years as a teacher, she could not (for. the. life. of. her.) teach one of her students (ahem, me) to sew a square bag. 


My college years were spent studying my brains out and dating a whole slew of guys (all of whom I feel very sorry for, in retrospect ;). I insisted, in no uncertain terms, that I was not going to be "some demure, subservient housewife who waited on him hand and foot!" In my (humble) opinion, I had brains, and talents, and p.l.e.n.t.y. to offer the world at large, and  I was not going to waste "all that" by resigning myself to a life stuck at home vacuuming in a skirt and wiping snot-noses. (Yeah, I was a real peach back then.)

Enter the hubs.  I fell. Hard. Gosh I loved him. I tried to hold on to my previous notions, but, if I'm being honest, I just wanted to take care of him.  I wanted to cook for him, keep a beautiful home for him, give him foot rubs when he got home from work and talk about his day... (Okay, I got a little carried away there at the end, but you get the idea.) 

Maybe it was because he was so respectful, and doting, and kind. Maybe it was because he was so low-maintenance that it made me feel like making him happy was actually an attainable goal. Whatever the reason, I wanted to be his wife. And everything else seemed secondary.


We were married on April 20, 2001 and moved into a tiny, one-bedroom apartment in a 100 year olf home in Provo. My early attempts at home-cooked meals ended in disaster, with nasty food on the table, and a sweet hubs choking it down with a smile. Then there were the times when it was altogether inedible and the hubs had to make a 9:00 p.m. Taco Bell run so we didn't go to bed hungry. Oh, and let's not forget all those nights when I got home late from work and didn't bother making anything at all.  

After several failed, miserable attempts at some semblance of domesticity, I conceded. I was no cook, and that was that. We started eating out full time. 

Enter a new baby. Kort turned our lives upside down. (In the best way possible.) Suddenly, the girl who scoffed at scrap-booking and all things crafty, (ahem, me again) had filled 6 HUGE scrapbooks with baby pictures before the little guy had even turned one. Becoming a mother sparked something in me that had been dormant all my life. Creativity. The next several years were filled with projects, diapers, and a home that ran like a well-oiled machine. Life was bliss. Then...


Enter Infertility. When Kort was 18 months old, we started talking baby number two. Then we started trying for baby number two. Three months into "trying for two" I got the sinking feeling that something was very wrong. As it turns out, I was right. 

Enter years of devastating disappointment. Yeah, it was that bad. I managed to function pretty well up until Kort was about four... then, the hopelessness of it all set in (and BOY did it set in). Part of me wanted to pick myself up, dust myself off, and move on... but I couldn't. Part of me wanted to re-dedicate myself to being the best wife and mom the world had ever seen, but after a few successful days, I just fell back into blog-stalking all the live long day with an occasional nod to housework of any kind. 

It's a funny (and completely flawed) outlook, but I started feeling like dinner wasn't worth making - if it was just for the three of us. The house didn't get very dirty - because it was just the three of us. It was impossible to talk myself into a cleaning routine because our lifestyle didn't call for it, but without a routine, the household fell apart. I found myself in a tricky middle area where I was a mother, but it didn't warrant a full time job. 

Enter Pregnancy! That's right. 7 years after the birth of our first son, we welcomed a second. He has been the greatest, most spectacular, and completely unexpected joy since we gave birth to Kort.  Life is so good. My desire to be a great mom and homemaker is back, and...

I have no idea what I'm doing! 

I read and execute recipes incorrectly, I set my kitchen on fire (at least once every six months), I forget to do laundry until we have nothing to wear, I literally live in my bathrobe (which gets a little bit awkward when my cute, "pulled together" neighbors drop by), I'm not gonna lie - I'm a mess! This lifestyle worked okay when I was the mother of an independent 7 year old and the wife of the most easy-going man on the planet, but this is NOT going to work now that my baby-maker is up and running. I want a whole pile of babies, but I've got to figure out how to care for them first!    

There are so many blogs out there that are written by brilliant women who are cooks and crafters and homemakers extraordinaire... this is not one of them.

But maybe someday, it will be.

the goal.

The goal is simple.

A little less THIS:

And a little more THIS:

why?

I believe that motherhood is the most important, sacred, and meaningful calling I will ever have in my life. I don't take this lightly. I believe that children deserve to grow up in clean, organized, and safe environments where they are free to learn and grow without fear of not being accepted for who they truly are. I believe that it is my job, as a mother, to make sure that my children have all the support they need to become the best people they can be. This includes, but is not limited to: having 3 nutritious meals provided for them every day, having a mother (or father) who will remember to sit down at the table with them (every. single. evening) and help them with their homework, sign it off, and make sure that it gets back to school with them the next morning, having clean clothes to wear,  clean beds to sleep in, and two parents who are reasonably sane.

The problem is, I don't know how to hold it all together.

I try, but one (okay several) of the balls always seem to get dropped.
That's why I thought that slowly working into a lifestyle, (week by week, goal by goal) might be the answer.

I can't be the kind of mom I need to be if the dining room table is covered with laptops, mail, notes, dishes, and the like. I can't be the kind of mom I want to be if I don't learn how to plan simple, healthy meals and cook them every night. (This one is so, SO hard for me). I can't be the mom I want to be if I don't learn how to make a habit of getting up, getting dressed, and getting down to the business of every day life.

So THAT is the point of this blog. And it is awesomely helpful to know that I can be accountable to someone (a.k.a YOU) throughout this process (via this blog) to help me stay on track. Hopefully some of you will help me by sharing your knowledge. (Easy recipes and cleaning tips please!!!) Hopefully some of you (who are as clueless as I am) can learn and grow with me as we go along. (YOU could do my weekly goals with me ya know. Kinda like a workout buddy...only better! And you can update your progress in the comments section or even on your own blog and you can share the link in the comments section!)

The point is: My boys mean everything to me and I want to give everything to them.
Baby steps will get me there...at least I hope they will.